Every Day feels like a relentless grind. Where I once I got out of bed by instinctively moving a series of now it is a conscious decision and focused effort. I feel empty. Mostly numb and heavy until the sadness ambushes with a sneak attack. Then I am rushing out of the bookstore, or mall or wherever to be to find somewhere more private before my emotional breakdown erupts.   I’ve lost any excitement for the richness and glittering prizes that fill my enhance my life. I can speak my blessings aloud but it feels like a lie because the gratitude is in my head but there is nothing in my heart. I feel like a cardboard cutout pretending to be a human being. Until the sadness ambushes with a sneak attack.