Happy New Year!
It might be traditional to reflect on the past year before the start of the new one. But 2019 afforded some changes so profound that I needed some extra time to process. The past few weeks have been a break between semesters. During the time not filled with holiday celebrations my thoughts have been circling around my progress in my acting technique. My work has been evaluated in very specific ways and the weaknesses have been pointed out in specific terms. Rather than feel emboldened by this knowledge it’s made me question myself.
It’s one thing to be dedicated to leveling up when there isn’t a clear path. When an expert lays out the steps to the next level, that the question if I can do those steps. It’s not a matter of commitment, completing my MFA will happen without question. My concern was about not just completing the training but truly imroving as a result. I’ve questioned if I can achieve a quality of skill on the level of the artists I admire. Or if I’ve waited too long and too late in life to reach that goal.
One answer I did find from these questions is that I need to practice self acceptance every day. I’ve begun this trying to use kind words with my inner dialogue. I’ve made a resolution to take care of myself, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. That involves finding ways to not only accept what I have perceived as faults but to find ways to use my faults to my advantage so they become strengths in disguise.